How to Tell If Your Spouse Is Lying

How to Tell If Your Spouse Is Lying Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems Print How to Tell If Your Spouse Is Lying By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20 years. Shes the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial policy Sheri Stritof Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD on January 26, 2020 facebook twitter linkedin Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.   Learn about our Medical Review Board Carly Snyder, MD on January 26, 2020 Blend Images - Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images More in Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems LGBTQ Violence and Abuse Wray Herbert wrote in the article,  How to Catch a Liar: The Cognitive Clues to Deceit, Most of us can spot barely more than half of all lies and truths through listening and observation.?? Spotting a liar  isnt easy. Your own  suspicions  can get in the way of getting to the truth. While some scientists reported  two ways  to spot a liar???, British researchers determined  that eye movement is not a good predictor of lies.?? So, how do you  know  if or when your spouse is lying? It is widely believed that nearly everyone lies on a regular basis.?? A study by University of Virginia sociologist Bella DePaulo asserts that some lying is necessary for everyday life.?? Here are some reasons your spouse might lie, signs that you are being lied to, and what you can do about the lies and lying. Common Reasons People Lie To avoid conflictTo supposedly protect someones feelingsTo avoid the consequences of their behaviorTo postpone having to make changes in lifestyleTo hide something they did or did not doBecause they are afraid of rejection or losing their spouseTo be in control of a situationTo avoid being embarrassedTo make themselves look goodTo make themselves appear more successful, special, or talented than they really are Are You Mislabeling Behaviors? It is possible to mistake nervousness or distraction or lack of eye contact for lying? This may  result in misreading or mislabeling your spouses behaviors. Nonverbal clues to lying can be difficult to spot and vary from individual to individual.?? The bottom line is, if you think your spouse is lying, ask questions and ask for clarification if necessary. A 2008 study suggests asking for eye contact and then ask ing that the story be told in reverse.?? It is important for you to trust your own gut and intuition or that funny feeling you may have inside. Possible Signs of Lying Remember â€" most of these signs can be easily misread and misinterpreted!?? Touching chin, or rubbing their browsCrossed arms or legsPlaying with hairA line of perspiration on the brow if it isnt a warm daySaying no several timesContinual denying of accusationsBeing extremely defensiveProviding more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked forInconsistencies in what is being sharedBody language and facial expressions dont match what is being said such as saying no, but nodding head up and downSmugnessMay place a barrier such as a desk or a chair in front of selfUncommon calmnessUnwillingness to touch spouse during a conversationBeing hesitantSlouching postureRigidity or fidgetingDiffering behaviors such as  not acting in the usual wayUnnatural or limited arm and hand movementsPartial shrugLack of finger pointingUnusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structureStalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like um or you knowLack of use of contractions. Prefers emphasizing not when talkingUse of word fillers or ev asive answers when on the telephoneLack of many pronouns while talkingAvoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you, or turning away from you while  talking.   Do You Confront a Suspected Liar? Some experts say  that when you believe you are being lied to, you should not confront your spouse with your suspicions right away. They recommend waiting until you have discovered more information and facts. Other experts believe that the sooner the cards are all out on the table, and the sooner honesty is lived out once again in a marriage, the better.?? Only you know what is best for your marriage.   Purchase from Amazon: How to Spot,  Revised Edition: Why People Dont Tell the Truth...and How You Can Catch Them  by Gregory Harley Maryann Karinch   *Article Updated by  Marni Feuerman